{ As certain dark things are to be loved. }

2012-11-12T11:11:00.005+08:00

I have no taste for victory--as much as defeat-- without a fight.
[Sun and Steel]

:: Killer Presentations

2009-06-05T09:42:00.001+08:00

Connecting with an audience, communicating your vision and passion for a subject, can be
a beautiful experience. It’s also a rare opportunity to make an impression that might impact
your future. It can either be a gateway or a roadblock to professional growth. Which one is
entirely up to you.

Ten Rules For Delivering a Great Presentation by Steve Tobak
1. Developing the pitch. Start with your main point of view and a handful of take-aways.
Then build a storyboard around that, one slide per thought. Keep the number of slides
down and allow a few minutes per slide.

2. The icebreaker. Start with something to break the tension (yours and theirs): a welcome
gesture, engaging or humorous anecdote, graphic or video, or some combination. Keep it
relevant and appropriate. Don’t tell a joke.

3. The old axiom. Old advice, but it works: First tell the audience what you’re going to tell
them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them.

4. Don’t read what’s on the slide. Know the pitch cold (without having to look except for
a brief cue) and speak in your own words. If you (rarely) want the audience to read what’s on
a slide, look at it and read silently along with them.

5. Engage the audience. Ask questions. If they don’t respond, try offering an answer and
asking for a show of hands or ask easier questions. Make the audience part of the
experience.

6. Be accessible. Get close to the audience and move from place to place while
maintaining eye contact, but only from time to time. Do not bounce around like a pingpong
ball.

7. Pause for effect and emphasis. Practice being comfortable with silence for two or
three seconds. It’s the most dramatic way to make a point. Avoid ahs, uhs, and other
fillers of uncomfortable silence; they’re annoying and detract from your presence.

8. Make eye contact. But only for a few seconds per person. Too short and you’ll fail to
engage; too long and it becomes uncomfortable. Don’t bounce your eyes around
constantly.

9. Use hand gestures. They’re engaging and interesting. But when you’re not, keep your
hands at your sides. Don’t fidget, hold onto things, or put your hands in front of you,
behind you, or in your pockets. Avoid nervous habits.

10. Don’t block the audience’s view. Don’t step in front of the screen or block it from
view, except for the occasional walk-across. Gesture with your hand, but don’t touch the
screen.

::

2008-06-27T23:24:00.002+08:00

{13:30 - Defeated on my own will}

:: After a while...

2008-06-06T23:40:00.004+08:00

...you realize there are other people who could be more involved in your personal relationships than yourself :)

What I'm trying to say is, it's rather amazing how EVEN (or despite) the non-presence of someone could still make or break your professional endeavors.

I got everything I wanted this semester, and quite frankly, I believe that on your best days... God makes up for some balance by trying to pinch in a landmine reminder.

I don't get blown to pieces anymore. But having that kind of blow-off incident makes me... feel human. Vulnerable and conceding to my emotions. Well--past emotions.

I don't make an excuse as to how I repaired myself on my own. After all, I don't think I have done damage to anyone outside of the personal relationships I have been...I've followed through one and a half years of remotely isolating myself if only to avoid ever having to run to anyone, so as not to point the finger to anyone with regards to how I lost myself in the series of events. I still cared, I never allowed misery to reduce my compassion about people. It was inevitable, to look after the persons involved because I still believed in some good I saw in you.

You were there, only to ignore it all.

After making the same f*cking mistakes in your life over and over again, I hope you grow up.

I hold no anger against what your perfect friends feel and act towards me, since it seems I am your biggest mistake, and since you cannot deal with me yourself, it has left them very vulnerable to induce the weight themselves. I am just disappointed. Disappointed that I have to deal with the consequences of their bias/unbias with no chance of mercy...until the end of this important chapter in my life.

I won't die a virgin...in the end no one dies a virgin, because life f*cks us all.

Kissing the lipless.

2008-05-11T19:14:00.005+08:00

'That's what a good marriage is, after all. It is never the union of two perfect people who celebrate that perfection the rest of their lives. It is always the union of two people who are imperfect, who have suffered in one way or another [as we all do], and who, if they are very lucky and work very hard at it, can sometimes heal each other.
'When they do, we are right to call it true love and to think of it as rare.'

:: Inside the Mind of Scott Peterson, Keith Ablow

'"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses

who are only waiting to see us once, beautiful and brave.

Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being,

something that needs our love."'

:: Rainer Maria Rilke

'Answer my question.' His eyes were still fixed on hers. 'Would you give up everything for that man?'

Brida felt a tremendous urge to cry. It wasn't so much a question, it was a choice, the most difficult choice anyone would have to make in life. It was something she'd already thought about a lot. There had been a time when nothing in the world was as important as herself. She'd had several boyfriends and had always believed that she loved each one, only to see love vanish from one moment to the next. Of all the things she'd experienced until then, love had been the most difficult. Jus then, she was in love with someone slightly older than herself; he was studying physics and had a completely different vision of the world from hers. Once again, she was putting her belief in love, trusting her feelings, but she'd been disappointed so often before that she was no longer sure of anything. Nevertheless, this was the great gamble of her life.

She wasn't afraid of difficulties; what frightened her was being forced to choose one particular path.Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others. She had a whole life to live and she was always thinking that, in future, she might regret the choices she made now.

'I'm afraid of committing myself,' she thought to herself.
She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none.

Even in that most important area of her life, love, she had failed to commit herself. After her first romantic dissappointment, she had never again given herself entirely. She feared pain, loss and separation. These things were inevitable on the path to love, and the only way of avoiding them was by deciding not to take that path at all. In order not to suffer, you had to renounce love. It was like putting out your own eyes in order not to see the bad things in life.

'Life is so complicated.'

You had to take risks, follow some paths and abandon others. She remembered Wicca telling her about people who followed certain paths only to prove that they weren't the right ones, but that wasn't as bad as choosing a path and then spending the rest of your life wondering if you'd made the right choice. No one could make a choice without feeling afraid.

Brida :: Paulo Coelho

nuninooninoo.

2008-05-04T23:21:00.003+08:00

Why is love intensified by absence?

:: The Time Traveler's Wife ~ Audrey Niffenegger

She understood, and said nothing about it, and prayed for the power to forgive, and did forgive. But he can’t have found living with her forgiveness all that easy. Breakfast in a haze of forgiveness: coffee with forgiveness, porridge with forgiveness, forgiveness on the buttered toast. He would have been hopeless against it, for how can you repudiate something that is never spoken?

:: The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood

God, he thought in weariness. In what way is this fair? Why am I up here alone like this, being tormented by something I can't even see?

:: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, Philip K. Dick

Being inclined to be lenient, I only shook my benign head though strictly speaking such visits were taboo, since i felt instinctively that toilets - as also telephones - happened to be, for reasons unfathomable, the points where my destiny was liable to catch. We all have such fateful objects - it may be a recurrent landscape in one case, a number in another - carefully chosen by the gods to attract events of special significance for us: here shall John always stumble; there shall Jane's heart always break.

:: Nabokov's Lolita.

"Hmm. Okay. Once upon a time --"
"When was that?"
"All times at once. A long time ago, and right now."
"Both?"
"Yes, always both."

:: Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

Letters beating inside my pocket.

2008-02-08T16:41:00.000+08:00

I have to find you.
Tell you I need you.
Tell you I set you apart.

:: About ME (lessons).

2007-11-15T19:15:00.001+08:00

"In this course (ME63), you would have to unlearn what you have previously been taught in order to understand the foundations of thermodynamics.. the first step in a series of thermodynamics practices in the Mechanical Engineering course." as Sir Gino puts it.

On turning 21:

The whole truth is that above all emotions, I am still scared. I always thought back in HS that being scared of something only meant the opposite... I am vulnerable enough for anyone or anything to shatter my strong core. These days, I'm SCARED of the chances when the past lingers. What have been, what have been put away. That no matter how I try to face my issues head-on, the moment I see you and your crowd,
I still hurt... I am still hurting on little things. I have kept myself emotionally private, withdrawing myself from my social circles if only to find solace in washing my eyes alone for the past 3 academic semesters (including summer). I guess despite the fact that I have already recovered myself from nonlinear pain, even if I'm stronger than ever, I am still the weak side.
FORGIVENESS. I say and I feel that I have forgiven myself, for not being that one great love. I have let it go. Everytime I deal with you and your logical friends out of the necessary and you strikingly resent the situation as if to escape something (which by now, obvious in this situation, you have directly put away from your life..or have you?), it somehow appears to me that although all the sound judgments have come from your fence, it is you (or your friends in this matter) who never got out of that blackhole period.
I understand myself more and prioritize on looking after my own issues now.

My Melchor.

2007-11-08T22:01:00.001+08:00

Originally uploaded by kookaikookai

College of Engineering, UP Diliman by Kookai Valiente :)

:: Something II.

2007-11-04T01:05:00.000+08:00

Is it always right to lie if the consequences of doing so are better than the consequences of telling the truth?
Are there certain things you do because it is expected of you?
Can happiness exist without pain?
Can you put the past away?
Can you ever get tired of hearing the words "I Love You"?
Does the past ever remind you of what you no longer are?
Do you define yourself by how well you hide?
which works harder, the tongue or the heart?
Has music or a particular song or artist inspired you to make better and/or wiser choices in life?
Does the smell of certain things trigger memories for you?
After spending the night wrapped in your lovers arms, Do you feel that much more alone when you sleep by yourself?
Do you love someone, and know they love you back, but you can't be with them?

:: Something.

2007-11-04T00:56:00.000+08:00

Is there a *significant* difference in something that just feels good and something that feels really right?

:: Love/Addiction

2007-10-06T12:08:00.000+08:00

"The thing about addiction is -- it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was making us high, stops feeling good. Because no matter how badly the thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go, hurts even worse."

- Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo), Grey's Anatomy S4:Ep2

:: I suddenly want to be a plant as well.

2007-09-21T20:22:00.000+08:00

:: Overload! :) This coming Saturday.

2007-09-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

:: Serendra & then school stuff.

2007-09-11T08:55:00.000+08:00

Serendra with Mama, Papa and Jenjen.

Road Race meet with IE Club (Yellow Cab, Katipunan)

My dream whiteboard marker/cleaner for MH123 and 4F Melchor Hall, IE Wing

R O A D R A C E 2 0 0 7

2007-08-27T04:15:00.000+08:00

UP Industrial Engineering Club

in cooperation with

Astring-o-sol Ice Extreme

invite you to join two extreme events:

ROADRACE: Extreme Rush

[a race around the Metro]

September 22, 2007

4 people + 1 car per team

Php250 registration fee per person inclusive of entrance to afterparty

PRIZE: Php15,000!

To register: email roadrace2007@yahoo.com or

Text: 09175354883 (Franz Costales) or 09178350101 (Gijo Mantaring)

and

2007 ULTIMIX

[DJ competition]

Finalists perform at Warehouse 135 on Sept 22, 2007

during OVERLOAD (the Road Race afterparty)

Winner gets Php15,000!

To join: sign-up at ultimix2007@yahoogroups.com

Or text: 09152773809 (Alvin Intal) / 09184897190 (Jordan Ursua)

For more information on Road Race or Ultimix see attached poster

or visit http://roadrace2007.tk

:: Vintage Ad of Lysol

2007-08-27T01:19:00.000+08:00

Quite interesting. "Concentrated Germ Killer"...

:: Are you ready for TAKE OFF?

2007-08-19T14:49:00.000+08:00

UP Junior Marketing Association
with

San Mig Strong Ice, Smart Gold, and Pepsi Max
in cooperation with
Jack Daniel’s Global Tour, ClicktheCity.com, Chalk Magazine, Getzmo.com, ETC, Book Media Press, Inc., Media World, Inc. & Monster Radio RX 93.1 bring you

TURBULENCE

as you experience the world’s best parties on the

25^th of August, SATURDAY 830 PM.

Feel the heat of Rio de Janeiro with a stimulating Sambatease performance and keep the temperature rising with the African beats of Kwaito.
Take off to the other side of the globe as we ice up the night with Antarctic Luges and Munich’s Oktoberfest. Revive the Mardi Gras tradition and spread the love with hook-up beads as
you spot the hottest person in the crowd.

Crash into a party of Hip Hop and House music at
8:30 pm in WAREHOUSE 135, Yakal St., Makati City
and indulge in an hour of free-flowing drinks starting at 11pm.

Tickets for only 250 pesos.

This event is also brought to you by the South African Embassy.
Proceeds will go to the UP JMA KIDS Program.

For tickets,contact Weng at 09052689194, or reply to this post.
Listen to RX 93.1 and visit CLICKTHECITY.COM and getzmo.com

BOOK YOUR FLIGHTS NOW!!!

:: Sway to Warehouse 135, Makati City thru the image map at DRIVENMANILA.com
:: Full-scale pubmats at MULTIPLY || BLOGGER || FRIENDSTER .

:: first (me) last

2007-08-18T19:52:00.000+08:00

Rule #1:
If you open this you GOTTA take it.

Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING
unless someone messages you and asks

Rule #3:
Only answer True or False

Q: Kissed more than one person on your top friends? false
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? false
Q: You like someone? true
Q: Held a snake? true
Q: Been suspended from school? false
Q: Kissed in the rain? false (not yet!)
Q: Sang in the shower? true
Q: Sat on a roof top? true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? true
Q: Broken a bone? false
Q: Shaved your head? false
Q: Played a prank on someone? true
Q: Had/have a gym membership? true
Q: Donated Blood? false
Q: Had your heart broken? true
Q: Broken someone's heart? true

"Who was your last?"just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.

1. You hung out with? Jenjen
2. last person you texted? Khalil boi
3. last person you slept next to? Claire
4. Went to the movies with? Ange
5. Went to the mall with? Kakabels & Ivy
6. You talked to on the phone? Jenjen
7. Made you laugh? Papa
8. You hugged? ~
9. you kissed? ~
10. Made you cry? myself

WOULD YOU RATHER...

1. Be serious or be funny? serious & funny --meaning sarcastic.
2. Drink whole or skim milk? whole
3. Die in a fire or get shot? shot

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Sun or moon? sun
2. dark or light chocolate? light
3. left or right? between or u-turn
4. Sunny or rainy? sunny
5. Hugs or kisses? hug sabay kiss
6. Where do you live? home
7. Rock or Techno? none.
8. Do you want to get married? yes
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
10. Do You Cook? no
11. Current mood? cold

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU...

1. Kissed someone? false
2. Sang? true
3. Been hugged? false
4. Like someone you can't have? true

:: Self-discipline...and little steps of improvement

2007-08-15T00:15:00.001+08:00

:) A shift from finding health/fitness values to self-motivational mantras online.

self-discipline plays a big role in success.

This is good news in that it defines the problem for us. By being able to delay gratification when it's sensible to do so, we're more likely to lead good lives. Almost everything lasting that's good in life is difficult to achieve and requires enduring situations we'd rather not have to. Getting a good education involves doing study that's sometimes boring. Creating a successful business involves hard work, uncomfortable sales-calls, and financial discipline.I guess the lesson to take from this is that if you did have poor self-control at an early age, it will be much more difficult to succeed. But here's the key point - it's not impossible.

.:.

But there's a catch, and it's one we try all sorts of tricks to avoid. Put simply, it's that improvement usually requires some form of suffering.
If something is easy to achieve, it's probably not worth that much in this particular game. Having to suffer to gain something puts up a barrier to entry. It means only those willing or able to put in the effort required are going to get to the top of the pile.Improvement and suffering are tangled together in a way that's almost impossible to pull apart. Their very nature requires them to be.So if there's something you want to be better at, accept that you're probably going to have to do some difficult things to achieve that improvement. It's the nature of the game, and understanding what's required to play will take you a lot further.

:: From Paul's tips

:: The koolasa I will always be.

2007-08-11T12:49:00.000+08:00

THINK BACK TO 4th year highschool...
St. Scho Nostalgia

What section were you?
:: St. Frances of Rome.

Who were your seatmates?
:: Haggard, basta none of my close friends (mga kabarkada ko, since 7/12 ung nsa frances)...but we always make room for changes so nagiging katabi ko din ung mga gusto ko makatabi.

. Still remember your english teacher?
:: O Captain, my Captain. *cough*cough*

. What was your first class?
:: MTWThF- English Research, Physics, CLE, Araling Panlipunan (Social Studies), CIVAC (Civil Action)
*double-check* http://freewebs.com/frances2003/cla1.html

. Who were your best[classmates]?
:: kada, soulmate

. Who was your crush then?
:: MADAMI! xxiv, xxix

. Made friends to the lower years?
:: Why not? Atsaka secretary ako ng STP (Filipino theatre club), handled ko attendance ng lahat.

. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
:: Aba what is life without love diba. ;)

. How was your class schedule?
:: 7-3. 7-4 pag Monday.

. Made any enemies?
:: Ndi sila umaamin, discreetly damned. Wala naman umaway sakin ng whole St. Scho life.

. Who was your favorite teacher?
:: Miss Chiaoco :) Captain; Ate Ira

. What sport did you play?
:: Kickball! Vball.

. Did you buy your lunch?
:: Usually during recess ako kumakain kasi much stuff to do during lunch. Fully booked nung senior year..utusan, tga-coordinate, practices okaya naman scheduled bonding. BTW did you know na may midday prayer tuwing 12:45 sa St.Scho chapel? Sometimes we were assigned to pray with the nuns & some admin people. Kunware community ung nsa midday prayer session.

Were you a party animal?
:: Were there even parties sa St.Scho? c",) But parties anywhere else, sagot ako diyan!

. Were you well known in your school?
:: c",)

. SKIP SCHOOl?
:: Of course.

. Did you get suspended/expelled?
:: No.

. Can you sing the alma mater?
:: Come loyal Benedictine children... or O pure and blessed Scholastica...?
Bakit nga si St. Benedict ung focus ng School Hymn after all?

. What was your favorite subject?
:: May pagka-deadkid but looking back, I actually liked Math. I was good at Math & Computer, besides making pacute during Health/CIVAC Outreach & English Research. I liked the challenge of the Math terror teachers, & the fact that Math & Computer is not something you review on, kasi progressive learning. Foundation ng latter ung preceeding subject.

. What was your school's full name?
:: St. Scholastica's Academy of Marikina

. Did you go to the dances?
:: Yung dance during my Senior year, yep ;) may underground dance nung Junior year ako, sa may Marikina bridge un...organized ng mga Seniors, that I missed. Nakibalita na lang ako. Haha!

. If you could go back in time and do it all over, would you?
:: We only live once, but if we live true, once is enough. Frances2003

What do you remember most about 4th year?
:: Senior year un naman talaga ung time to shine ng lahat ng mga HS students. As for me, I don't remember things well, only I have lived a great senior year na to this day, I still have those people I've shared my life with then. "Highschool barkada ko noon? Hindi. Pamilya ko hanggang ngayon."

. Favorite memories in 4th year?
:: the life. the love. the rocks.

. Worst memory in 4th year?
:: leakage part sa frances?Hehe.

. Where did you go most often during breaks?
:: sa Faculty wing (consultation, taga-hatid ng stuff), sa corridors, sa table ng barkada sa canteen.

. What did you do on the last day of school?
:: nagmarch

. How was your graduation?
:: Nakakabanal. I was part of the liturgical mass. Reading 2.

jown.botch.mrize.traq.pao.dash.labing.berg.anna.carby.angel.abi.
sam.iwi.kets.loti.chiara.dum.karen.dupalco.dhympoi.katkat.winner.
xian.clacla.melo.jona.pat.quiam.aryan.grace.jeka.kathe.ivz.sheryl.
jabel.kim.maan.beaver.may.ange.sheena.dada-0.misscedo.
mrsramirez.mrsyusi.mrssierra.mrscalderon.tcherweng.misstamondong.
mrsdelfino.captain.mrsbaul.mrsdugang.st.frances2003

Unforgiving.

2007-08-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

"Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause."
:: Victor Hugo

:: Marketing Congress Seminar: Aug15 (Wed)

2007-08-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

The UP Engineering Student Council Presents:
---------------------------------------------------
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
----------------------------------------------------

The Engineering Marketing Congress
Product Packaging Seminar

With guest speakers:
Mr. Adolf Aran, Jr. of PHINMA group &
Mr. Jonas Gonzales of UP IE dept.

August 15, 2007
6 PM - 8PM
College of Engineering Theater

Dinner will be served after the seminar. =)

Get a chance to win that iPod Shuffle, or
5000 pesos for your org!!
click here for more details

www.escmarketingcongress.com

For your inquiries, please do not hesitate to e-mail mc.upesc@gmail.com,
You may also contact the Pheng Cunanan (09266933368) or Miggy Abeleda (09158800615)

------------------------------

You've spelled the big difference, you've defied conventions..
now it's time to THINK BOLD and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

:: CAPES Seminar - Aug 22 - Tuesday

2007-08-08T16:36:00.000+08:00

The CAREER ASSISTANCE PROGRAM FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS invites you to:

ADVERTISING YOURSELF
Effective Resume and Cover Letter Writing for Engineering Students
August 14, 2007 (Tuesday)
11:30am - 1:00pm
Engineering Theater

Lunch will be served.
Freebies will be given away.
FREE RESUME ASSESSMENT BY PROFESSIONAL CAREER CONSULTANTS for the first 50 students to submit their resumes

:: Of hard rain and landmines

2007-08-08T15:50:00.000+08:00

Buti na lang nag-SM North kami ni muggle kanina. Pig out ng triple cheese at baked zitti, ndi pa rin kasi available ung Ice Cream Bar ng Shakeys. I've finally met my punching mittens...woohoo boxing here I come! :) EEE probset due tomorrow & literally I have not followed on the lectures since I skipped two sessions to date. Oops.
Engg landmines. Ang galing no matapos ko masabugan buhay pa din ako. Panis ka dun!

:: Harry Potter Barberya

2007-08-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

In celebration of HP7, Pinoy Style

Reminds me of the IE Club Batch 2003 Barkada Pic - Hogwarts Class Picture!
Photos at MULTIPLY.

:: Sitting in, Mossimo, the Fort

2007-07-30T01:02:00.000+08:00

Last week of July...the first exam of 197 SCM was totally a boohoo on my part. I missed out on MRP production schedule & the second number of Aggregate Planning, which were both bearable parts to the 4th yr standing students.
I am slipping off.

On other notes, it was my first time to sit-in this semester, and this is for MR's last semester (hopefully). I've never taken any MST GE in CS Audi so while waiting for Memar, I marveled on the architectural fixations in the lobby.

The UP Diliman College of Science Ground Lobby

The "CS library" tetrahedral ceiling :) (I hope it's the right 3d figure I'm telling)

Towards the end of the week, it was UPJMA's ETC's Campus Stopover 2007 in front of Faculty Center. After a hard rain, the event pushed thru altho BA-based JMAers supported the UP CBA Stratmark Team which includes my Finance chair Kriselda & Delbert Ty. MR, my bestfriend, is part of the technical team of UPD StratMark for 2 years now. Held at the Araneta Coliseum, Cubao, QC (a day after the 1st ADMU-DLSU basketball game in the UAAP Season).. UP Diliman have its third straight StratMark championship. Congrats! Mossimo contest together with Kat '07 and Amber '06...and after undressing & dressing Amber as the "skater boi but intellectual look", we were hailed winners by the crowd! Against Maioman and Dio. Whew! :) O diba, quite a challenge.

Congratulations UP Diliman CBA StratMark team 2007!

WE WIN Mossimo Goodies!

5,000 Php of Mossimo Gift Certificates for Amber, Kat & Xian!

We are still to plan when we'll have a threesome date to get our goodies together!
A start of something new! ;)

The IE 197 Bayantrade Session at the Fort Bonifacio Global City, Taguig
My girl empowerment team with Karissa, Paula, Lea R, & Jamie Sio were part of the 3rd & most challenging set of bidding simulation in Bayantrade. We were rejected in our last bid during the last 10 seconds (6 seconds actually) of the 15min simulation, because apparently...they limited the real-time decision making for the exercise. So actually, 14 mins 50 sec lang tlg ang bidding. Boohoo we were not informed. :) But it's okay. Kaya pa mgmove on! :) Until next time.
After the session I spent time in the 5-storey FULLY BOOKED beside Bayantrade while waiting for Ajee. We tried to drop by the MTV office but since it was a Saturday, the office was closed. Besides strolling around, munching Krispy Kreme & buying Oreo Cheesecake at Miss Desserts in Serendra, Ajee and I headed straight to Katipunan late in the afternoon. I was picked up by Pipoy after the lengthy hard rain since I was too lazy to commute and suffer in traffic on the way home. Ajee, on the other hand, had to wait for 9pm for a UP PEP birthday bash in Varsity Hills. :)

Fully Booked Bonifacio Global City in awe. =o)

And the famous 7,400Php grand Disney 4,000 piece puzzle in a pet accessory shop in the compound...ah! :) Breathless kitty inserted behind the KRAZR.

A creative shot in Miss Desserts while waiting for my Oreo Cheesecake to-go.

"The people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."

:: Grey's Anatomy S321: Desire

:: Towards the end of the 7th month.

2007-07-28T02:04:00.000+08:00

{As certain dark things are to be loved.} Blogger 2004; Xian 2007.

Just to keep track. Never thought I'd relate myself meaningfully to Ms. Jolie.

:: Between Grey's & my own Anatomy

2007-07-27T23:55:00.000+08:00

After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.
:: Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City

There are so many things I can blog about today...but for now between the darkness of the 27th and a chance of light in a 28th day (12:00 mn in short)...this sums a very little detail yet most significant part of my day. Pareto Analysis, are you here?

Do you remember when you asked me on what date I would want my next relationship to be (our relationship/non-relationship in that time being)... I said I want all my romantic relationships from hereafter on the 24th, but you wanted it the last date of every month, the 28th. And I insisted I don't mind anniversaries anyway.
After all, when I have you, I don't mind. I just...feel.

12:16am BTW, I'm in this for the long haul. Sorry.

"The unexpected is what changes our lives."
:: Grey's Anatomy Season III

:: Friday, July 27th

2007-07-24T02:56:00.000+08:00

ETC (Entertainment Central) and
UPJMA (Junior Marketing Association)
Externals Committee (Team ExtRel)
brings you

CAMPUS STOPOVER 2007

July 27 - Friday - 6pm
Grass area infront of Faculty Center

:: PC ako for this one. Among team ExtRel's events for the semester (c/o EnzoJozo). Which reminds me, miss ko na si Kaycoo. I always saw JMA externals linked to Kaycoo..and Kaycoo-Enzo's tandem is a sure miss.
.:. IE 197 mode sana...

:: The Friday after the 13th

2007-07-20T17:28:00.000+08:00

Not exactly a bad day tho.
Today I spent the first session for the ES 10 Trebuchet Making with my group 9 as last time (Tower Building) only better with the addition of EnzoJozo in the pack. Its been sometime since I last saw Sir Jong and it was a breath of fresh air to have him around and his R&B sound system in the P&G room. Zara'05 cut her hair short tho I wasn't exactly sure if I was distracted by her hair or her weary eyes due to her 8-hour shifts in the call center. Since I brought with me my large eucalyptus-looking laptop, I was able to use the leather ladies' back pack Pipoy got for me.
IE 141 scheduled tomorrow late afternoon. My Trebuchet group almost,at one point, compromised to finish the project after my exam. HELLO weekend? :) I was actually willing to work on a Sunday afternoon tho. And since we are anticipating ACLE this Monday afternoon, we can slip in a 3pm afternoon workday for the Trebuchet.
...
Na-gok ako sa 141.
...
RTR with RB and my favorite, Abet :)

:: Xian's Quarter Life Crisis Notes

2007-07-14T17:16:00.002+08:00

*Since the 100 life years is no longer attainable nor desired by myself, I consider 80 years as my maximum life span....thus adjusts the quarter life crisis to 20. *It can also be stated that there is an effort to align my quarter life crisis to someone else's, but no, this post is about me. Not about anyone else. Just me, my self-conscious widget, and my matchbox here in Katipunan.

Just because you are wrong doesn't mean the other person is the right one.
Your astrology signs and psychoanalysis say alot, but one's inner nature is unique and our ability to "achieve" or to "intertwine ourselves to another" is founded on trusting yourself, and instinctive openness to another. When you become this deeply trusting, it changes you. It can even make more of you. Whether it fuels or poisons you is a choice.
Music can save lives. Or maybe one life. Mine counts as one.
Solitude, or time alone saves valuable friends and family from dwelling in one's personal woes.
Take your time. It's yours. Practical academic wisdom takes time. Love is short, forgetting so long.
I am not perfect, nor anyone else is. But I try. The first line humbles me back to our human nature...in mind, body and feelings. I am not streamlined or engineered to function on an embedded multi-mission--- the existence of the soul/conscience unifies the three to do good. In philosophy, human in nature is good.The defensive line after says so little and yet it leaves a radial opposition to everything...you'd realize after some time that maybe...in full truth, when we vent anger or the feeling of loss over one thing or one person... most of the angst have rooted from unresolved issues within. From previous pains or experiences of people---and value history as a precursor so that those mistakes never be done again. The trauma for unbearable lack of self-worth makes us more cautious and sometimes fierceful. I hope to live in today, not focusing on the pieces of broken sanity of previous x (ie. semester, relationship, ill-forgotten unrealized fairy tales). I wish to have the wisdom to hope and listen to my instincts more, than cynically assume on the turn of my own pages. I realize I do overthink, and sometimes when I express them outwards I have held on to these thoughts so vividly it was almost like it has occurred. My mind works so fine against my feelings that subconsciously they weave a story out of my over-caution...and my strong will forces this pain against other people even if, actually, they have been self-inflicted long before the bounds of real pain. But I try... I don't know if trying is enough. Because in a world of certainty, it's do or die. It maybe an excuse for others, but I found out that as much passion is in me, there is so little risks I have taken in my life...and in the minimal risks there's not even one I have excelled in or have sweeped in for good.

:: Friday the 13th

2007-07-13T20:16:00.002+08:00

“Love is a temporary madness: it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together, that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is.

Love is not breathless, it is not excitement. It is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. It is not the desire to possess each other every second minute of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining passionate kisses and embraces. No, don't blush. I am telling you some truths. That is just being in love, which any fool can do.

Love is what is left over when being in love has burned away. That is what I want for you: That your roots will grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from your branches, you find that you are one tree and not two.”
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

Friday the 13th. ES 10 and IE 141. Tower building testing with Group IX. Apparently groupmate ko pa pala dapat si EnzoJozo sa Group 2 if only we made it on time noon. :) IE 141 Simplex Method. Besides that, well...there's the last day of application for CAPES. Then, the first genmeet for ESWAT...and the IEC Buddy Bidding. Hi Grace :) (BS IE 2006)
For my third year in UP ESWAT (UP Engineering Special Works and Tasks), I am handling Logistics Charlie and I am joined by Malen, Mark Laguna and Chel Valdez. Malen coming from BS Computer Science (my former course), Chel from the 2006 batch of BS IE and "A.M." is the radio jock-slash-extracomm VP of my engg organization.

Wed-Sat-Wed special days:
July 18 (W) - IE 150 Systems Evaluation
July 21 (S) - IE 141 Operations Research I
July 25 (W) - IE 197 SCM
May certain fixation tuloy ako sa paggamit ni Sir Denis ng TNR font sa 141 Session 6 this afternoon.
Woot, first meal bought in Engg for the schoolyear... c",) Mongolian spicy bowl.
We have been informed that present ESWAT members are automatically included in the IE Volcorps team. I am not sure if the IE representatives have a lot to accomplish for this schoolyear, but definitely not voluntary ang volcorps involvement na ito.
Less ECA (extra curriculars) and more ACA (academics) please. :)

:: Go the extra MILES (18th of July)

2007-07-12T19:13:00.000+08:00

:: On "Tubero" posts along the walkway of QC

2007-07-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

This post may not exactly be relevant to window/tab viewer right now but it surely is to my orgmates in IE Club who have spent time with me during the summer of 2007...and even those who have kept me company in Katipunan since the dreadful days of March 2007.

http://www.basapa.com/tubero-in-the-city/

This link is in full reminiscing of that stroll along Esteban Abada street on the last week of May with Miaboi (Margarita Chacon, SSAM 1992-2003 | ADMU BS Biology 2003-2007) and Kakabels. :)

(no subject)

2007-07-08T11:16:00.000+08:00

Good morning.
I miss you.
I love you.

:: Sosy Finance (UP JMA High!)

2007-07-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

Astig no? One of the banners featured in multiply while I searched the previous night for the Pon and Zi theme. Click to download full image. :)

.:. JMA Redefining Marketing Orsem
Today was UP JMA High Orientation Seminar held at the Balay Kalinaw at 1:00pm. I got time to familiarize myself with the new directors of Sosy Finance (since FIRST DAY HIGH theme) and boosted enough pep talk for the apps. Solely Finance houses three Chairpersons within the organization, and the only committee with a special team , the SPC (Special Projects Committee), wherein the fund raising project is totally dependent on the team's idea). The two auxilliary committees MME (Major Marketing Event) and AdhoC (what UPJMA is known for...) are headed by Finance members. The third but definitely the most essential Chair is our own Finance chair. Super game ako mag-PC for AdhoC this semester especially both co-chairs are from College of Engineering: Mike Roxas (of BS ME) and Brenda Umnas (of BS ChE). I was happy to see a few familiar faces from the IE freshies '07 and several younger engg students interested in growing the JMA way. There was this one app from ECE who plans to shift to BS IE although for this semester he was not allowed to take Physics majors. Hope I have the chance to meet these young ones during the whole semester.

:: The space in between

2007-07-04T04:29:00.000+08:00

You are the perfect thing to say. "Everything" (Michael Buble)
...and yet the greatest stories in life are never told, I guess, for someone like me with a paper bag on her head, it is lived. It's not their story, it's ours.
Gusto ko mag-effort mag-emote bago ko iplug ang pinaghirapan kong istalk sa 30++ pages ng CustomizedThemes na Pon and Zi theme sa dako paroon:

♥Mahal ~ Ako♥

This post is the perfect reminder why it is detremental for me to have an internet connection inside my room here in my "workplace".
Class at 830am. 4 hours to go. Kakabels and I plan are scheduled to leave by 7am for her 730 am practicum in IS for Grade 8 Algebra.
But wait there's more preoccupation in the bag.

I think Blogger have it my way when redirecting thumbnails to their original formats in a new window. Emo love at its sweetest contemporary form- Pon and Zi.
(1) The boxer shorts and the underwear conversation over green bedsheets.
(2) This is you sideways. And that's me looking all innocent. Then.
(3) That's me. That's you screaming in the background.

It's been a tiring day. But since I have an early morning class which I have deliberately cut the previous week, my pillows can't afford to be exhausted by water weight and the weight of my head, which haven't function for some 7 months now.

The iGoogle experience in JMAIL which is fully customizable. Mine includes a slodeshow of sunsets, interesting photos from Flick, and the best widget iGoogle has to offer yet--a Calorie counter for all sorts of food intake throughout the day which is compared to your own Calorie Requirement. :)

:: & yes, we are a disaster.

2007-07-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

We are terrible for
each other, and, yes
we are a disaster.

But tell me your heart
doesn't race for a hurricane
or a burning building.

I'd rather die terrified
--than live forever.

And because I am to start July with a text entry from this image resource's site, A Softer World, which updates: "I hope that you are a disaster. I'm sorry, but I do. I hope that you are thunder and lightning. I hope you are a forest fire, I hope you kill the dead wood and burn off the rotting leaves. With the canopy gone, the sun can get in. You need new growth. I hope you're terrible and broken and perfect." by Joey, one of the maintaners.

:: From an updated profile of my bestfriend

2007-06-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory
as the wish to forget it.
~Morgaine

:: 4th of July - UPJMA Orsem

2007-06-27T19:25:00.000+08:00

Wild Wild Finance :)

:: Lakbayan; MarketManila.com; NO class day!

2007-06-26T21:59:00.000+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C-!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

A business delicacy in Pinoy accent: MarketManila.com

For today, as I've told Hazel while on our way to Katipunan (she then go ahead to LRT Katipunan for her trip home to Vito Cruz in Pasay area).. "sayang ang get-up ko today since wala namang klase!"..at some point after 4 years of college I have understood clearly for myself that cancellation of classes or simply a "NO CLASS" day means thrice as much learning expectations. Especially in UPD where you usually meet twice a week for a 3.0 unit class (in this case on a TF)..my teachers will be meeting us, students, a week after the last lecture & definitely ALOT of time to do "advance reading and further study" on the scheduled topic.
Today is Kaka's first day in UPIS teaching linear equations in two sections in Secondary Education. Kaka the plant is BSE Math (Bachelor of Science in Education, Major in Mathematics + Minor in Statistics). A fulfilling stat course in the previous summer semester in a theoretical course in Probability & Stat motivated her to take additional units this sem under the same prof beyond her curriculum prescription. *wink*good-looking maaliwalas logical but/AND/ohmigod creative Statistical figure*probably mid-20s* intellectually stimulating*seemingly available but if not, well that's what sexual appeal is for*wink*
Not talking any more :|
My first TFX period that I did not consume myself on bitterness about Khalil moving to the TFV class. :(

:: Netwhoring at home.

2007-06-24T12:36:00.000+08:00

1: Freedom Island * 2: To kiss death/life

These are two shirt designs from threadless.com, a t-shirt design community-based site. Ang interesting dun recently lang may Multiply customized theme based on the second design: to kiss death/life.
For Filipino bloggers out there, I hope we call support my cousin's Tagalog journal .:. PUTAK .:. at the Blogger's Choice Awards- Foreign Language category. Si Miko ang webhost ng UPIECLUB.org :)

Other notable links for today are:

You MUST take a look at the Goldbox expired feature in Amazon & read the comments as well. Both featured links are from Miko's recent putak entries. Initially, PUTAK has a pool of putakers which exclusively includes Miko's brother Kuya JMV, our cousin Kuya Osep, and Wendy who is based in Connecticut. They come from Papa's family whose roots are in Tagaytay/Talisay,Batangas but the Esguerras live in Las Piñas while Kuya Osep is in Sta.Mesa.

Kaka and I are now staying closer to UP. And since the previous week, I am conveniently using disposables during meals! Haha. Kaka, being a mother plant to her seedlings in UP EDSOC, is now vegan...and myself being a kitty is making efforts to do away with red meat and carbs.

:: Meme from Livejournal

2007-06-17T15:41:00.000+08:00

The Rule:
Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

(1) I bite nails. Until this very day, genetic na ata samin yun. Si Mama din and si Nanay Upeng dati. Hehe :) Sabi ko nga, (Bakit mo ba kinakain kuko mo?) "Masarap kasi ako" :)

(12) I NOW do believe in fairies (Peter Pan); in fairy tales, in meaningful happiness..in ever after. In one great love. I believe we can make it... It means so much to me, that even the truth doesn't change it. They were just strings of words in a moving picture.. until that time someone came and gave meaning to such...strings of words in a moving picture.

(21) Mary Mae and I were mistaken as freshmen in the recent Freshmen Assembly in the University Theatre last Independence Day 2007, the first day of school for UP Diliman AY 07-08. We were able to watch the whole presentation for the freshies. I'm fifth year :) I'd like to note a very humble speech from a male oblation scholar in the afternoon batch from Pisay07, taking BS MBB. He gave a personal account in making life-altering decisions. Choosing UP Diliman oblation scholarship over ADMU merit scholarship (in a pre-med course too) due to the factor of simplicity.. and the oppurtunity to discover on his own passions he may have besides the Sciences. The oppurtunity to meet an activist, an athelete, a liberalist, a provincial student, a cheerdancer and cite the difference & indifference of himself with other students who is as capable as himself only in other aspects.

(24) I love Christmas songs, I play them all year round in my desktop and laptop. Hello IE quiz bonus: "_____ roasting on an open fire." >>ham? roasted chicken?

(29) On academic requirements,I as much sa possible identify myself briefly. "Manimtim" since I have a unique last name anyway.

(126) I am intensely selosa by heart (sa lagay kong to, haha!). But I consciously try to be discreet, and sarcasm is an effective defense mechanism. Take it from me.

:: Brij, I hope you get to check on this one. And since this journal has no expected following, I am calling Calypso, Calliope, Nike, KJ, Kitkat and Kml. The first three are all fictional western characters, the last three are three friends I'm certain won't be able to follow this journal.

:: One Tree Hill S2 Finale Sonnet

2007-05-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

SONNET 116
William Shakespeare
~

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments.
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no!
it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

(BeautybyMistake) subject: Chinese/Star sign

2007-04-28T20:34:00.000+08:00

"I desire."; intense; intuitive; dominating; jealous; mysterious & unpredictable.

FIRE TIGER - You are the perfect embodiment of power and passion. This sign loves flirting with the dangerous side of life. The Tiger's desire for adventure is infinite and her love of life is forever contagious. A natural born leader, you amaze others with your rebellious and unpredictable ways.

SCORPIO WOMAN - She coined the phrase, "Hard to get." This is a woman who is able to keep the mystery alive with her portent egotism and feminine temptress ways. When it comes to having an opinion of oneself, you would be hard pressed to find any woman on the planet who has a higher opinion of herself than Scorpio Woman. She is known as the "femme fatale" of the zodiac and is unimpressed by one's advances; yet, she'll can keep you dangling ever grasping for her Love and attention. And when you do get close to her, she's really sending the message, "Do so at your own risk." Scorpio is the most sexual sign; therefore, she has a way of penetrating the psyche of someone without so much as lifting a finger or speaking a word.
This woman drips feminine charm and magnetism.
This mystery woman wears a poker face while she's flattering you, challenging you and dating you. (I love this!)
Whoever Scorpio Woman comes in contact with, she will naturally assume the dominate role. She'll weigh all the pros and cons of her potential mate for intimate, personal or professional success. She's suspicious and cautious of any one with half-planned ideas and intentions. She wants the big picture in life! She has a way of drawing out your best side while squashing is worst side. The most important thing you should know about her is her highly "suspicious mind." BUT WAIT! There is a logical explanation for her suspicious mind. Scorpio is the consummate researcher and fact-finding gatherer. The Scorpion is famous for being jealous, accusatory and over-protective.
The Scorpion is so intense and passionate that the color "burgundy," (which runs deeper than red) will actually get her attention. A Scorpion is also serious, shrewd and not at all superficial. When she means IT, whatever IT is. If she says she Loves you, believe it! Se can be quite intimidating either personally or professionally because she is neither indifferent or casual. She may appear pessimistic to her core, but this is only because she is prone to question first.

Saturday, 28 April 2007 at 20:34

(BeautybyMistake) subject: de-Saint-Exupery; R.M. Rilke

2007-04-26T14:22:00.000+08:00

I was so small, but I had within me an immense power for living.
I had gathered all the starlight in the universe into my eyes
in order to bathe you in its glow.
A love like that was a serious illness,
an illness from which you never entirely recover.
The Tale of the Rose Consuelo :: de Saint -Exupery

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,
never be blind or too old...
to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.
I want to unfold.
I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone :: Rainer Maria Rilke

Thursday, 26 April 2007 at 14:22 |

(BeautybyMistake) (no subject)

2007-04-20T19:00:00.000+08:00

I want "to write love in your arms."

One thing I know now that I should have done then.
I am not comfortable showing my emotions in personal, and I restrict into very few moments the words that express what i feel. I should have written my ****
in your arms... I should have held you closer, clasped my hands tighter with yours everytime I had the chance to.

Studying for an exam at a coffee shop with my friend and her brother at the next table, we stared at him while he tries to act seemingly casual in a phone conversation which he can't resist to quirk on or smile in.
It was funny, corny and totally abnormal. Irrational. It got me.
In that exact moment, you were the only person I ever thought could ever feel that way about me. Anywhere you are, you always smile when you talk to me, you just can't hold it in.

You wrote your love in my arms all the time. In all of our time, from the first time we sat and talked up to the last. Sino nga naman makakaimagine ng two people passionate and smiling "i love you's" in each other eyes at the point of goodbye. Hilig mo din ako e no, o pokpok lang ako sayo. [:)] When I remember you, it still makes me feel warm...you always made sure I can certify your excellent (kamo) loving skills. Practice makes perfect nga naman no?! ;)

You hold me close. Press my hand tighter with yours, always making sure our fingers lock in. When you hug me, you always wrap yourself around me enough that you feel all parts of my body, no space between. Sakto nga lang tayo, diba? Myself being the cuddly one, pressing your hug always made you giggle. Para akong malaking stuff toy. You always stop holding me when I start to sweat, which is evident when you sway my wavy hair to other side and you'll wipe the top of my shoulders off. You wrote your love in my arms, and every touch showed I am the only thing you want.
You wrote your love in my arms when you respect me, all the time.

You wrote your love in my arms when you ask me and discuss your body type (conceited).If I feel like holding you close since it doesn't really show. And how on just one tick I can switch from being comfortable to completely casual. It mattered to you that being held by you pleases me. Your energy fulfills me.

And when you look at me...I look at you.
When I don't want to. Sometimes even seeing me is painful enough, so when you look at me...I really forget. I forget all, I forget you, me. I forget.

We look at each other as if there's nothing else in the world I'd rather see.
My brain stops, who should know I should not look at you that way.
Its the silence of you breathing, or the heart, or the soul.
You look at me. It takes my breath away.

**** or whatever people call it really has a way of stopping time. (ulk! ugh.)
Or it's just that time passes,it's just that one can stand not changing anything.
Or one does not mind, cannot mind at all. The mind happens to be obliged to follow the heart, at those times which I can't really explain myself.
I am always out of head, with you.

I want "to write love in your arms".
I love you in silence, in absolution.
After all, even it's such a pity, I'm glad it is you.
Baby, forgive me.

Four months of you, and a lifetime to go.
I want it to be you. Ikaw. :)

I know these things are inappropriate to be felt, moreso spoken of..to you.
It's a fair thing you would not know. I'm sure you are on your own way.

Friday, 20 April 2007 at 19:00

(BeautybyMistake) (no subject)

2007-04-17T10:36:00.000+08:00

My **** is always with you. It is my ME time. There are things I have to work on myself, there is a person I need to save from self-destruction. It is best for me, just as it is best for you. I understand, I would not have had this any other way.
It's just that, I miss you. Sometimes. At times. And the funny thing is, part of me is happy that I am missing you.
It assures me that I am still good at something, at least one: loving you.

I can't stand you. (That's a good part.)
Any piece of you moves me.
I am missing you, I just hope you don't feel the same way.
Or if you do, rather not show anything. Any piece of you breaks me, completes me.
There is no longer me when there is you.

Maybe it would help waking up knowing you have unloved me.
I hope there's progress now.
I'm sorry I have blocked your access in every place.
I know you will understand.
This is really a good thing.
I hope you don't worry about me. I am my hero, you know.
I am strong (I can hear you laughing now), I can take care of myself.

I really just miss you now. But any piece of you will only depart me from self-redemption. I don't want anything from you. Of you.

I have to get over this phase. I want to, I guess I've just been used to everything instant nowadays, I feel obsolete. Non-value adding time (the IE idealist speaks).

I want it to be you, you know. But I need to be the me who is the ME who should stand before you first. I need to be the ME who is fulfilled by my own self. I want you to be YOU, the you who will find out for yourself if it is me at the end.

I want you to be happy. You'll be spending years of frustration and unbearable loneliness if you do not put me out of your life. You are nothing without commitment, and I cannot commit anything to you, the nothingness someone completes for you.I feel guilty your pity of me holds me back. I feel guilty of THAT look. That look that you look back at me.

Every piece of you, any piece of you makes everything ELSE less important.
I know the right thing, I know what I should do. And I can do it. I just have to act in a consistent phase where I know no you, or know a you with no me in it.

I trust myself. I'm seeking guidance from God. I trust you, please don't break your own promises. You promised yourself you will no longer contact me. I know you have the courage to do it, and determined to completely realize your word. Kaya natin ito. (parang punchline, ey?)

You know and I know, I am not the person for you.
I am doing this, and I will do this good.. For good.. So that in the end, I have a chance to stand at the edge of life, look at YOU looking at ME back, and listen if you heart hears my heart back. I just want to stand next to you, and never look away.

Baby, I want you to work out things with her. She's the best you will ever have. If you have me, you have nothing. You deserve only the best. This is not martyrdom, this is life as it is. Save your life, save your soul.

I, am always your girl.
For always. I want all the things you want, I want every little thing, I DO, only if it's with you. Ikaw lang. And you know it, for now, that's enough.

I miss you well, I see you in the little things. Simple things are more meaningful now, since I look at them of ****. I miss your pigil smile that you've practiced long before you met me, I miss the way you look at me when I'm looking at nothingness and overthinking, I miss your superior perception of yourself and your demand for instant gratification. I miss your breath in between words when you are thinking twice. I miss the way you insist your way, the way you shut me out when you're mad... I miss the way you slash your dagger words to me, and the way you make up for it. I miss your casual attempts, and the way you lose it the moment you see me looking at you. I miss how you change your way when you see me arrive. I miss the way you push me to speak my heart out, and the way you cut me out after. The way you cry then apologize for it with no emotion. I miss the way you smile when you receive my msgs and when you re-read them. The way you look at my pictures when you're alone, and your thoughts after. The way you think of me when you are in company of others, the way you don't get over talking with me for an unimaginably long time, the way you insist I say "ILY" before hanging up, and the way it makes you feel when I do so---pilit but with feelings of kilig and denial...then we extend for some more mushy yucky cheese. The way you giggle, end the conversation while turning back from your company strangely looking at you because your smiling when you're talking/fighting with me. The way you allow me to do the two best parts of my day: reading your mail, and writing you one.
The way you resist me.
The way you listen to me, and understanding that though all of them are of no interest or relevance to you, I need an outlet and you are that only friend I can be deeply trusting to. The way you say I can do it, and the way it matters to me that someone actually believes. The way you sort my good ideas from the bad, and compliment me for the effort of having ideas although covered by my cynicism and lack of usefulness.
I miss your intimacy, your madness, your jealousy. I miss your constant need to know you are the one, my only one, no one else. I miss the way I don't have to ask it back.
I miss your disappointment when you can't settle our conversation as friends or something else. I miss your honesty, your straightforward conviction that it is just happy right now, not happily ever after.

Despite all this, I am happy with you. You make me happy.
Now that I have a mind of my own, I've learned I was born for one lifelong goal:
to make you happy.

Hearts just know.

Tuesday, 17 April 2007 at 10:36 |

(BeautybyMistake) Speaker for the Dead

2007-04-16T06:23:00.000+08:00

Still she didn't answer. She had said what she had to say, to keep the ansible connection alive, and that was all. For now. Ender didn't mind waiting. It was enough to know that she was still there, listening. He wasn't alone. Ender was surprised to find tears on his cheeks. Tears of relief, he decided. Catharsis. A speaking, a crisis, people's lives in tatters, the future of the colony in doubt.

[Speaker for the Dead :: Orson Scott Card ]
Monday, 16 April 2007 at 06:23

(BeautybyMistake) no subject: Grey's

2007-04-05T11:05:00.000+08:00

watching Greys.
im waiting for your call. but avoiding the phone.
im waiting for His call, or i have not been listening all this time.

ALWAYS, all this time.

Thursday, 05 April 2007 at 11:05

(BeautybyMistake) :: Time apart.

2007-01-12T12:37:00.000+08:00

Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic... but gaining your heart's desire... it's all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted... and if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.

[Peyton, One Tree Hill :: Season II Finale]

iloveyou.

Friday, 12 January 2007 at 12:37

(BeautybyMistake) (no subject) self confessions

2006-11-25T10:41:00.002+08:00

Sa totoo lang, I wanted to write some things down kasi feeling ko naguguluhan na naman ako. HEHE. To think na may mga kailngn pa akong asikasuhin na emails, fax at research. Heto ako at nag-aadik. Gusto ko sana mgcontemplate.. in an effort to understand myself. Ako na ata ung tao who will never learn when it comes down to being drawn to people.
WELL SOME PROVEN FACTS in the so-called PAST and previous-PRESENT.

I'm super drawn to older people, whether friend ba yan or "icon material" or romansa (yessss!). The older, the better ata. Nsanay ako nung bata ako na mas mttanda tlga sa akin ang nkksalamuha. Yung 40++ years gap namin ng parents ko are a biggie. Lalo na ung mga born 198*. Born 1986 ako.
May SUPER GRASP sakin ung taong kaya akong iconquer. STRONG personality. Yung may overall presence. Na you can be indifferent in so many ways and yet andami nyo mddiscover sa isa't isa.
DRAWN ako to people na may ibang interests besides my own.
Totally stimulating sakin ung sense of pursuit...well bad as it may seem, my friends and I conclude na mahileg ako sa pursuit..tapos kapag nakuha ko na nabo-bore na ako.
Just like any girls, torpe ako. Hindi ko kayang ibandera ang sarile ko at sabiheng "HALIKA!!! Kuhain mo ang puso ko!":) if i say it out loud na i like you, chances are hindi ako "lakas-tama" sayo.
Mahileg akong mkipag-kaibigan or kaibiganin ang mga kaibigan ng taong gusto ko. or mga gusto ko. PLAY SAFE ako...ikaw din ba? GANUN TALAGA.
According to history, pwede din ako ma-link in "n" multiples sa isang circle of barkada or kapamilya.. ung mga mgppinsan etc.Ang positive cguro dun, hindi kita kaibigan dhl lang "for the moment" gusto ko ang kaibigan mo. Beyond that "time being" maaasahan mong same pa dn ung trato ko sayo. :)
Hindi ako mahirap kaibiganin promise. Mdalas lang ako mgpalit ng numbers at accounts...at mabilis umikot ang mundo ko. Minsan nabibilib dn ako "when being pursued". Ung mga tao who dont easily give up kahit unhealthy na ung cirsumstances. Naniniwala kasi ako na kayang mapabago ng "one great <3" kht bato pa ang puso mo. Its all about LOVE and staying real...Its not who holds you the longest, its who never lets go. SARAP!
Pag drawn ako sa tao, like i said mdali ako ma-bore pag nakuha ko na. So more often than not, ayoko/ pwede namang hindi maging kami. I just want to stay together with the person, enjoy the moment. Stick together. Kaya ko maging martir, kaya ko magstay for a very long time in a situation na masyadong masakit. AKO KASI, hindi ko kailangn makuha ang lahat..malaman ko lang na andyan sya--blessing na yon. Mdali akong ma-fulfill sa pagmamahal. :) "I could not ask for more."
Ayoko ng pinagseselos ung tao. Kung gusto kita, andyan ako para sayo. Hindi ako magaling sa salita, pero mppatunayan ko na mahalaga ka...huwag ka lang ma-iinsecure sa mga ginagawa ko or sa mga friends ko. Dapat mconquer mo yon, dapat tlga strong ung tao.
Wala akong binabalikan. :) I give my all dun sa pagkakataon natin.
Hindi ko kayang manulot.
I never went for the "ex"s of my friends.
Drawn ako to aliens, weird people. Ung hindi common. ;o)
Gusto ko ng mga tao na hindi ko kailngn kausapin para magkaintindihan kami. ANGSARAP. Parang intellectual intercourse. :) Hindi ako hayok sa katawan o laman, hmm mas hayok ata ako sa humanchemistry.

Saturday, 25 November 2006 at 10:41

(BeautybyMistake) (no subject) self confessions

2006-11-25T10:41:00.000+08:00

I'm super drawn to older people, whether friend ba yan or "icon material" or romansa (yessss!). The older, the better ata. Nsanay ako nung bata ako na mas mttanda tlga sa akin ang nkksalamuha. Yung 40++ years gap namin ng parents ko are a biggie. Lalo na ung mga born 198*. Born 1986 ako.
May SUPER GRASP sakin ung taong kaya akong iconquer. STRONG personality. Yung may overall presence. Na you can be indifferent in so many ways and yet andami nyo mddiscover sa isa't isa.
DRAWN ako to people na may ibang interests besides my own.
Totally stimulating sakin ung sense of pursuit...well bad as it may seem, my friends and I conclude na mahileg ako sa pursuit..tapos kapag nakuha ko na nabo-bore na ako.
Just like any girls, torpe ako. Hindi ko kayang ibandera ang sarile ko at sabiheng "HALIKA!!! Kuhain mo ang puso ko!":) if i say it out loud na i like you, chances are hindi ako "lakas-tama" sayo.
Mahileg akong mkipag-kaibigan or kaibiganin ang mga kaibigan ng taong gusto ko. or mga gusto ko. PLAY SAFE ako...ikaw din ba? GANUN TALAGA.
According to history, pwede din ako ma-link in "n" multiples sa isang circle of barkada or kapamilya.. ung mga mgppinsan etc.Ang positive cguro dun, hindi kita kaibigan dhl lang "for the moment" gusto ko ang kaibigan mo. Beyond that "time being" maaasahan mong same pa dn ung trato ko sayo. :)
Hindi ako mahirap kaibiganin promise. Mdalas lang ako mgpalit ng numbers at accounts...at mabilis umikot ang mundo ko. Minsan nabibilib dn ako "when being pursued". Ung mga tao who dont easily give up kahit unhealthy na ung cirsumstances. Naniniwala kasi ako na kayang mapabago ng "one great <3" kht bato pa ang puso mo. Its all about LOVE and staying real...Its not who holds you the longest, its who never lets go. SARAP!
Pag drawn ako sa tao, like i said mdali ako ma-bore pag nakuha ko na. So more often than not, ayoko/ pwede namang hindi maging kami. I just want to stay together with the person, enjoy the moment. Stick together. Kaya ko maging martir, kaya ko magstay for a very long time in a situation na masyadong masakit. AKO KASI, hindi ko kailangn makuha ang lahat..malaman ko lang na andyan sya--blessing na yon. Mdali akong ma-fulfill sa pagmamahal. :) "I could not ask for more."
Ayoko ng pinagseselos ung tao. Kung gusto kita, andyan ako para sayo. Hindi ako magaling sa salita, pero mppatunayan ko na mahalaga ka...huwag ka lang ma-iinsecure sa mga ginagawa ko or sa mga friends ko. Dapat mconquer mo yon, dapat tlga strong ung tao.
Wala akong binabalikan. :) I give my all dun sa pagkakataon natin.
Hindi ko kayang manulot.
I never went for the "ex"s of my friends.
Drawn ako to aliens, weird people. Ung hindi common. ;o)
Gusto ko ng mga tao na hindi ko kailngn kausapin para magkaintindihan kami. ANGSARAP. Parang intellectual intercourse. :) Hindi ako hayok sa katawan o laman, hmm mas hayok ata ako sa humanchemistry.

Saturday, 25 November 2006 at 10:41

(BeautybyMistake) One Tree Hill Season IV Premiere

2006-09-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

Tree hill is just a place in the world
maybe it's a lot like your world
maybe it's nothing like it
but if you look closer
you might see someone like you
someone trying to find their way
someone trying to find their place
someone trying to find their self
sometimes it's easy
to feel like you're the only one in the world
who's struggling
who's frustrated or unsatisfied but barely getting behind
that feeling's a lie.
and if you just hold on
if you just find the courage to face it another day
someone or something will find you and make it all okay
because we all need a little help sometimes
someone to help us hear the music in this world
to remind us that it won't always be this way
that someone is out there and that someone will find you.

======================

Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

09-30-2006 at 06:53 AM

(BeautybyMistake) Like I write every note

2006-09-05T04:36:00.000+08:00

:: I am doing this alongside my cousin's current profile. She will always be my hero. She is the sister i never had. The siblings i never had.
Notes: I'm not usually one of those people who find the answers to life's great mysteries in songficing. PS: I've been fighting with this thing and some parts feel rough and cheesy, but to stop being an "emodork",yeah. FEEDBACK? Would be a blessing. (altered in paraphrase in Peyton's "Like i write every note")

1. I am a die-hard Ginebra fan.Favorite karaoke song ko dati ang "Nang magchampion ang Ginebra". Bal "the FLASH" David is my all-time choice basketball player. One day, I will watch them play live at the Araneta.

2. Beyond studying, cramming and procrastinating, sleeping is my favorite pastime.

3. I belong to two of the premiere organizations in the state university of the Philippines. One is of my college, and the other one is of the university. My pride and joy.

4. I, by coincidence, belongs to groups that follows red-black-white schemes ever since highschool. They are strong, imperative colors. They may represent alot of different things but for me, they represent love and they represent myself.

5. I'm a Leyton fan.

6. I love dolphins. My cousins and i have correlated usernames in yahoo: greendolphin, bashfuldolphin and zephyrdolphin.

7. My primary mail is GMAIL, my journal is at LIVEJOURNAL, my current albums are protected at MULTIPLY, while i share a Filipino blog with my cousins at
PUTAK.BLINDING-LIGHT.COM

8. My all-time school crush back in St. Scho is my neighbor Lij. ;o) HAHA.

9. There is only person in my whole life that I can never be good friends with.

10. I am a non-practicing Christian Catholic, but i am keeping my faith. And me and my God keeps in touch.

11. Mary Rose Torres y Galang is my one and only bestfriend. I miss her everyday. She is the best i ever had. The best i will ever have.

12. THIS SPACE IS FOR YOU. :)

13. I might be strong, but I'm really weak inside. I'm very vulnerable to pain. But i love pain, it feeds my senses. It makes me enjoy my moments other than those moments.

14. I'm blessed and thankful, i might be cursed for so-and-so things. I don't mind. I am free. I am a stranger in this town. I AM LOVED.

15. I think my Mama cries everyday. She cries even while eating at the mall with me to think the food was sooo yummy. My Pipoy is currently at Stamford, CT with his siblings. They have been married for 34 years and it is only now that they have been apart (because I am still studying here). It kills me to see her like that. Sometimes I wish it would be okay for her to leave me here so she could be in heaven everyday. Beside her man.

16. I think its pathetic too for her to not move an inch from wherever situation she was 3 months ago. As for me, to be in love and be loved as much as they are, I wouldn't have made him leave. I would da-moves in the airport and spell out a filipino-soap-opera-tralala to make him not leave. Haha. As if. That is if i get married, or if i meet that someone at all. That someone like my Pipoy to my Mama.

17. Im an only child, and a menopausal baby. Im photophobic, i hope someone else knows what that REALLY means.

18. I'm dysfunctional most of the times.

19. I previously belonged to an art club, a science club, a dance club, a varsity volleyball team, a special club for gifted students, and a filipino theatre club. See, i've always been a clubber. always and forever.

20. My one and only guardian "angel" is Leng. My buddies on the other hand are all batch 2005. :) i love org buddies. They will always be special. I dont wish to have other buddies for the moment, or in the future. I've had too much, or I've had it too well.

21. For Gremlin, Plant and myself (Venus Fly Trap), 21 will for a lifetime be a significant number. The feelings may be gone, but never the facts.

22. I am currently doing layouts for two publications in my college, or maybe three before the semester ends. I dream of doing a special sigsheet for my home org before i graduate,altho i have been involved in its sigsheet for a year now. It was my dream to make an org shirt design for us, but I am leaving it to the youngblood. As for my marketing org, i have done a shirt for my committee in the two semesters that I have been a resident member.

23. Im working on reconstructing my style, color scheme and perspective on graphics design. I aspire to pursue a degree in the Art Institute of Toronto for digital graphic design.

24. Alot of people especially beloved ones expect ALOT from me, and I feel i will fail them in so many ways.

25. The respective people I'd like to read this probably never will, or if they do, they would be disoriented since I never talk this way. Maybe im schizo or something, I just think people should write between their moments because something else rises when you read between the lines. But yeah, for most of the time, it doesnt really matter if they have a say on these things. These are just words of becoming something.

26. I long to fall in love with just one being for the rest of my life. It wouldnt really matter if i get to be loved back, what matters is to find that one GREAT love. And never let "that one love" go. To actually realize that such love exists in loving & living. Like forever, like heaven, like not knowing something but not wanting to understand as well. Like something real, to the fullest, like something unknown, something to hold on to for a lifetime. Something to live for, it kills you.

27. For a really long time I have been in a state of constant leaping from one account/number to another and as I grow up, i have slowed down my pace. One "grow-up" move is to open this account for 2nd-degree viewing. Okay playing safe is a keyword when i actually get to view friendster people set non-anonymously viewing this profile.

28. I don't remember the last time i was angry or cried, but i think I hurt everyday. Is that bad? I dont think so. Im just in constant touch with people and i'm naturally vulnerable to them.

29. Yung highschool barkada ko noon, pamilya ko hanggang ngayon. :)

30. I never really get over "WHAT IFS" and the "DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF YOU WERE WITH ME NOW?" emo. So i'm making conscious effort to live a bolder (more pain-stricken), fuller life.

31. I love the kids and the 06 apps! I love you so much! multiply: liveslovesrocks to view our sarap moments in still motion. *love*

Monday, 04 September 2006 at 13:36

(BeautybyMistake) Dancing in a Distant Place

2006-08-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

But love was a kind of sickness. It ruins your judgment.

It made you vulnerable,
fearful lest you weren't loved back.
It made you worry that something might happen to the loved one.
It hurt.
No, she'd decided, she wasn't up for any of that.

[Isla Dewar :: Dancing in a Distant Place ]

Monday, 07 August 2006 at 06:55

(BeautybyMistake) When I think of you

2006-08-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile,
coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me.
I'm only here for this moment.
I know everybody here wants you.
.
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away.
Such a thing of wonder in this crowd,
I'm a stranger in this town, you're free with me.
Love can taste like the wine of the ages, babe.
And I know they all look so good from a distance,
But I tell you I'm the one.
I know everybody here thinks needs you,
thinks needs you
And I'll be waiting right here just to show you.

Tuesday, 01 August 2006 at 07:58

(BeautybyMistake) OneTree Hill 3:17

2006-05-22T03:10:00.000+08:00

Lucas wrapped his arms around Peyton and pulled her close to him, petting down her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. He felt her nuzzle her face into his shoulder, taking deep breaths to calm herself from crying. He tried to quiet her, but he knew she needed to let it out, and then he could help her more. He didn't know what to do. He just knew that he had to be there for her. He had to help her, no matter what that meant.

When she pulled away, she looked up at him, tears still in the corners of her eyes. "I'm always crying on your shoulder," she whispered.Lucas just smiled and rubbed the tears away gently with his thumbs as his hands cupped her face.

"I told you before, Peyton. I love being that guy for you."

Sunday, 21 May 2006 at 12:10

:: the end of a wishful beginning

2004-12-31T01:31:00.000+08:00

and so all comes to the end.